Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
