I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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