john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize