Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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