I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
