ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
