But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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