i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
