you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your penis caused this!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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