I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
