guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
