saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize