just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize