is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
