I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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