Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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