Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
