I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
