I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
