if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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