3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
