just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
dude. I can hear the air.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
