its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
