I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
