Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
