Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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