I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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