If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
home. puking in laundry basket.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
