You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I need moral support for this bender
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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