I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
