Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
