I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
