Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
