Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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