I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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