I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
