all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
