Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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