You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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