let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
