I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
