he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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