It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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