: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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