I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize