I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
