I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I just sharted jello shots
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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