Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
