no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize