i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
