Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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