miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So squirting runs in the family.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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