I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
