Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
