I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
