Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
