I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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