Apparently you make a good broom.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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