we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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