the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
