i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
