You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
