I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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