She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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