i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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