Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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