if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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