you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
