I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize