life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
