When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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