Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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