Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
