At least make sure they are 18
Why
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
